The Problem

As an executive coach, one of the first influence challenges I work on with leaders is asking for budget to make coaching happen. Asking for budget can be intimidating. It can be uncomfortable to ask for help.

“I don’t deserve this.”
“I don’t want to be seen as someone who needs help.”
“They’re going to say no.”

For many leaders, asking for coaching budget is something they’ve never done before, whether they’ve never worked with a coach or never asked their current organization to sponsor it. If you’re like many of the leaders I work with, this feels like uncharted territory. You’re not sure where to start.

The Discovery

When I was in sales, I had to influence people I had no authority over. I had to convince them to spend their budgets on me, even when they had dozens of other priorities. In the process, I learned a few things about the art of influencing without authority.

Influencing without authority happens when you have the mindset of solving problems together with your audience. It requires a balance of seemingly opposite qualities: humility and confidence, resolve and curiosity, self-regulation and enthusiasm. Knowing when to apply each quality is what makes sales—and influence—a true art.

The Experiment

Having spent over 1,000 hours coaching leaders, I can confidently say the same mindset, process, and qualities I used in sales to influence people outside my organization also apply when you’re trying to influence within your own organization. So, here’s how you can apply strategic sales skills to influence internally, even without authority.

I’m using the example of asking your manager for coaching budget, but trust me, you can apply this to asking for other budgets, headcount, approval for an initiative—anything.

1. Focus on asking for what you want, not getting it

Before you even start, detach from the outcome. It sounds counterintuitive, but here’s why it works: People get tripped up because they focus too much on the end result—getting what they want. They rush through the process because they’re eager to get what they want, but rushed requests rarely succeed.

And yes, even when you do everything “right,” sometimes you still lose the deal. You can’t control others, only yourself.

2. Remember your role

The person most affected by your leadership and likely to have access to the budget you don’t is your direct manager. So let’s set this up:

• Your boss is the buyer: You need their buy-in to make coaching happen.

• You’re the seller: Your job is to understand what your boss needs, specifically in relation to your leadership.

Too many people are nervous to ask for budget, so they avoid discomfort by putting all their best reasoning and bullet points into a multi-paragraph email, hitting send, and then shutting their computers, hoping they won’t have to think about it. That’s not how this works.

Instead, think about it like this:
Have you ever been in a situation where you know things aren’t working as well as they could, but you haven’t made the time or space to think through what’s not working and how it could be better?

That’s what your role in the conversation is about. Your goal isn’t to share a book report on a solution; your goal is to help your manager get clarity on what they really want from you as a leader.

3. Ask for the conversation

Remember your manners. Instead of jumping straight into the conversation and forcing your manager to have it, ask for a conversation about how you can support the team. Here’s a script:

• “I’ve been thinking about how I can be a stronger part of the team and help us hit [XYZ goal], and I’d love to get your thoughts on how I can contribute more. Would you be open to exploring this?”
  (pause and wait for them to accept)

This opens the door for a meaningful conversation. You’re not rushing in with a request; you’re inviting them into a discussion that will benefit both of you.

4. Come with a point of view

Asking broad, vague questions like “What should I work on?” or “Where’s my biggest area for growth?” is too vague. You’re putting all the work on your manager to come up with something meaningful. Give them something to react to. Here’s a script you can use:

• “One of the main areas I think I can improve in my leadership is sharpening my ability to influence cross-functional teams and be more strategic in my communication. I’m seeing this skill show up in ABC scenarios, and improving it would allow XYZ to happen for us as a team. How do you see it?”

Your manager’s response might differ from what you initially proposed—and that’s okay. This is where humility comes into play. The goal of this conversation isn’t for you to be right; it’s for both you and your manager to get clearer about what your manager needs from your leadership.

5. Dig deeper

Once your manager reacts to your point of view, dig deeper to uncover the root of their response. Put on your curiosity cap and don’t just take the first answer at face value—there’s always more to it.

For example, if your manager says, “Yes, cross-functional leadership is a big one.”
You know what cross-functional leadership means to you, but do you know what it means to your manager? It’s easy to jump to conclusions and assume you understand just because you recognize the words.

Instead of nodding along thinking you know what they mean, follow up with:

• “What makes cross-functional leadership a big one for you?”

• “Can you say more about what you mean by cross-functional leadership?”

• “What do you see as the biggest obstacles to improving cross-functional leadership?”

• “Do you have any examples that come to mind?”

This is not the time to get defensive. No explaining yourself. Your role is to help your manager gain clarity about how they see the world, even if you disagree.

6. Paint the picture

Now that you’ve got more specifics about the blockers, it’s time to talk about how honing these skills will make life better for both your manager and the team. Dream big and help your manager get clear on how good it can get.

• “How would we know I’m getting better in this area?”

• “What would it take off your plate?”

• “What would it make possible for the team?”

In the daily grind, people often don’t take time to zoom out and think big. These questions generate excitement about what’s possible for both of you.

7. Open the aperture

After a few back-and-forths, your manager is thinking about your development. Now is the perfect opportunity to ask a broader question. This is your chance to uncover anything else that’s on their mind—something that might not have come up yet. It’s a totally different feel from starting off cold with a vague feedback question.

Ask something like:

• “Looking at the bigger picture, what else do you think I should be focusing on in my development?”

• “Are there any other areas where you think leadership development could have an unexpected impact on the team or the organization?”

• “What else is on your mind in terms of how I can better support you and the business?”

This opens the door for them to share what’s still lingering in their thoughts, and it keeps the conversation flowing.

8. Introduce structure

After inviting your manager to share a clearer picture of their needs regarding your leadership and how improving your skills will benefit them, it’s time to align on next steps. But before you close this initial conversation, there’s one thing that’s on everyone’s mind—but no one’s talking about: Budget.

Talking about money can feel awkward, and that’s exactly why you need to be the one to bring it up first. Here’s a script for you to take the lead:

• “I’d like to put together a plan to hone these skills. To do that, can you help me understand how the team typically approaches leadership development? Is there a budget, or would we need to create one?”

See how following these steps makes asking about budget the obvious next logical question? It’s not just the next logical questions, it’s the next considerate question. You’re being thoughtful about what your manager is thinking about (because trust me, they are thinking about it). Ultimately, asking for budget isn’t as scary when you’re being strategic. 

Bringing up budget early on might uncover crucial insights. Maybe a line item already exists. Maybe other departments play a role. You might not get an answer this early, but that’s okay. The key is that you’ve brought up the tough subject first in a way that’s thoughtful and natural. This puts your manager at ease.

Once you’ve touched on budget, keep the momentum going with your next request:

• “I’d like to put a few ideas together with all this in mind. Would you be open to reviewing it together at our next 1:1?”

9. Follow Through

Once they agree, send a summary email reiterating how leveling up will positively impact your manager and the team, along with the next steps you agreed on. Send a calendar invite for the next meeting if it isn’t already scheduled. This shows you’re organized, focused, and committed to moving things forward.

The Takeaway

What would your reaction be to a direct report who sends you a note saying:

• “Here’s a coaching program I’d like to join.”

• “Here are 10 reasons why I think it’s great.”

• “Can you pay for it?”

Ehhh I’ll think about. (And not think about it).

Now, imagine you have a direct report who:

• Invites you into a conversation about how they can contribute to the team.

• Proactively identifies their leadership development areas.

• Asks for your input and collaboration on those focus areas.

• Wants to put together a plan to hone those skills.

• Is mindful of resources and asks upfront.

• Gives you clear next steps to continue the conversation.

What would your reaction be?

• Damn, that person is owning their journey.

• Damn, they’re making it easy for me.

• Damn, should I be doing this with my boss?

This? This is top 3% employee behavior. It’s not magic, but it’s not easy either. It takes intention. It’s rare. Just by doing this, you will stand out.

Notice, we didn’t even mention coaching in this first conversation. Because you’re being strategic. You’re coming from a place of curiosity, clarity, and collaboration. You’re making it easy for your manager to work with you to solve a problem together. Maybe the specific type of coaching you initially have in mind is the answer for you two, maybe it isn’t—but you won’t be open to discovering something better if you’re too focused on the outcome from the start.

I learned this sales mindset. I learned the process. I learned the qualities needed to make strategic things happen. And you can learn them too. Try it out. Share what you learn. And stay tuned for the next steps.

2. The Goings On

After a busy stretch, I need to carve out time for recovery, reflection, and space to process what I learned before moving forward.

From January to March this year, I facilitated three courses at Stanford Graduate School of Business, launched a group coaching program with a climate tech accelerator, and wrapped up coaching a group of Obama Foundation leaders. And that was just some of the work.

While my work is incredibly fulfilling, I know I need downtime to recharge. Recovery looks different for everyone—it can be video games, writing, or a girls' trip.

For me, part of recovery is heading to the nearby park to play in the creek with my daughter. The water is cold, the trees envelope us, and the peace is just what I need. It’s a quick escape—no planes required—and after I get to enjoy the photos my husband takes along the way.

____________________________________