- Inner Radio Newsletter
- Posts
- The Dreaded Intro
I like sending this newsletter mid-month as a type of check in. I learned that somewhere around the midway point of a project is a great time to pause and take stock of what we’re doing, how we’re doing it, and where we’re going. We get the chance to zoom out and think about what’s going well and what we might want to tinker with in the latter half so we can have the impact we want. I often work with leaders on zooming in and zooming out and how to wear those hats effectively. I hope this newsletter prompts you to do a bit of both.
1. Blog Post
The Dreaded Intro
Last week I gave a talk at the Accenture offices in Salesforce Tower for Ascend, the largest Pan-Asian business professional membership organization in North America. The topic? How to embrace sales skills to become a more effective communicator and leader.
I was jazzed to share the content. I knew just what I wanted to say about the topic. However, the part that took me the longest to iron out was what I wanted to say about myself.
Enter the inner dialogue of the Dreaded Intro:
Do I just repeat what’s in my bio? That seems duplicative. Everyone can read my bio in the program.
Do I rattle off a few of the companies I support? Oof, too sterile, too braggadocious. I’m trying to connect with the audience, not distance myself.
Why is this taking me so long to figure out? Shouldn’t I know how to do this?
I’m not shy to share my internal dialogue because I see it often with clients. Introducing ourselves seems like a simple task. YET, introducing ourselves can make us feel uncertain, nervous, queasy. Why? Our belonging reflex is being plucked. We’re about to disclose something about ourselves and deep down we wonder: will it be enough?
Variations include:
What part of myself do I share? What parts do I leave out?
Will this part of me be accepted?
What’s the price of admission to this group?
What can I or can’t I express here?
First impression pressure looms large. And how much do you LOVE coming up with that ice breaker fun fact?
I’ve seen it with a client starting a new role and meeting teammates for the first time.
I’ve seen it with a client about to speak on a panel as one of several distinguished experts.
I’ve seen it with a client after he was asked, “What’s your leadership style?” in an interview.
I’ve seen it with a client hosting an executive roundtable at a conference.
I’ve seen it with a client starting an executive education program introducing himself to his cohort.
I’ve seen it with a client wondering how to introduce herself and her company to friends and potential business partners.
I’ve heard the frustration: How can I be a leader if I can’t even introduce myself!
If it wasn’t already crystal clear: You can be nervous about introducing yourself AND be a powerful leader.
So, you powerful leader you, here’s some introduction inspiration:
Know your audience
You have choices when you introduce yourself. Often there’s too much to choose from. Narrow things down by identifying what matters to your audience. Flip the script. If you were in your audience’s shoes, what would you want to know? For me, a lot of people ask: how did you become a coach?
Sell an insight
The chronological resume walk-through introduction puts me to sleep. It makes me work too hard. You want me to remember half a dozen companies and roles and why you went from one to the other each time? You’re joking. My memory can’t handle that.
Make it easy for me, give me a key insight I can hold onto. For the conference my insight was:
My executive clients find tremendous value in sales frameworks to help them influence and inspire teams. Yet, there’s a stigma of sales being cringy, selfish, and arrogant. I’m here to bridge the gap.
Tell a story
One of my favorite story quotes is by Lisa Cron: “Story, as it turns out, was crucial to our evolution—more so than opposable thumbs. Opposable thumbs let us hang on; story told us what to hang on to.”
Stories stick. So what did I do? I shared the story of how I became an executive coach and how the talk I was about to give came to be.
The end result? Here’s my intro from the conference:
I’ve worked in healthcare, hospitality, and education – the throughline in my career has been helping people feel connected to those around them and proud of the leaders they’re being. There were moments growing up where I didn’t feel connected to those around me or proud of how I was showing up. So, wanting to do something about those feelings – it’s in my bones.
Fast forward and I was at a professional crossroads thinking, what do I want to do next? I gave myself a little visualization exercise and posed this question: if I could do anything, what would it be?
I thought well, what if I could coach people on what I care about most: connecting with others and feeling proud of who we are? That would be just awesome. And it dawned on me: if that’s the dream, why don’t I just start now? Let’s give that dream a shot.
Now, I coach executives at Stanford Graduate School of Business, Berkeley Haas, and in my private practice Inner Radio.
As I’ve coached leaders on communication, interpersonal dynamics, and storytelling, a funny pattern started emerging – the ideas and concepts that were having the most profound positive impact on clients were from my days in sales.
At the same time, sales has a little bit of a reputation problem. How many times have I heard: UGH I hate sales. Sales makes me want to throw up. People have full body visceral reactions to sales.
So there’s this gap between leaders across industries finding tremendous value in sales frameworks that are helping them influence, impact, and inspire their teams AND this stigma around sales. This notion that sales is selfish, arrogant, pushy.
So today, I’m here to do my best to bridge that gap and share with you some of the concepts my clients have found so powerful so you walk out of here with a bit more confidence in trying them on for size in your careers, relationships, and lives.
Litmus test
We wouldn’t be complete without feedback. If you want feedback on how your introduction is landing, ask a practice audience the following questions after:
On a scale of 1-10, how excited are you to hear what I say next? (1: not excited; 10: super duper excited)
If it’s anything other than a 10, what would make it a 10?
If it’s a 10, what makes it a 10?
What stands out?
What’s missing?
As a leader, people need to look forward to you walking in the room and communicating. What I offer here are choices for how to introduce yourself that also apply to how you introduce an idea, a company, or anything else. Know your audience, sell an insight, tell a story. Make it easy.
2. Recommendation
Wired for Story: The Writer's Guide to Using Brain Science to Hook Readers from the Very First Sentence by Lisa Cron
The title is pretty self-explanatory. Although written for fiction writers, I find the brain science she shares to be equally relevant to nonfiction storytelling. Her fabulous questions and Story Checkpoints drive writers to deeply know their characters’ motivations, terrors, and dilemmas. She hits on mirror neurons, which happen to be close to my heart as part of my senior thesis (my single contribution to the field of psychology). A funny full circle that is. Now I watch great TV and see that there’s no fluff. I appreciate the weaving of events that knocks a protagonist’s worldview out of alignment and forces them to confront that shift. It makes me reflect on all those fun (and not so fun) times my own worldview has been altered.
3. The Goings On
I don’t get tired of these “finally meeting in person!” moments
Earlier this month I met up with Ed Batista, an executive coach I met through Stanford GSB and admire deeply. He taught The Art of Self-Coaching at the GSB and the school’s most popular elective, Interpersonal Dynamics. He played a big role in me believing my lived experience was good enough to start coaching, and continues to push my thinking about the business of coaching as much as coaching itself. Driving up to the fairytale of a farm I’ve heard so much about, I thought it wild we hadn’t met in person yet because I feel as connected to him as anyone I’ve worked alongside in the days of face-to-face. We soaked up the view of wildflowers, pasture, and cypress trees, and I finally got to meet Buster The Great. It was a treasured afternoon that leaves me grateful for giving my coaching dream a shot and for the people who have supported me along the way.