Owning The Role You Asked For

The Problem

You wanted the role, you asked for it, you got it. Amazing.

But what often comes next is that the work changes quickly. Decisions carry more weight. More people are paying attention. The margin for error narrows.

In the middle of that shift, it’s common to start feeling resistance to the very responsibility you wanted. Thoughts can surface like: 

Oh I actually have to fire this person?
There are way too many people asking me for too many things.
I don’t know what call to make here. I literally have no idea what to do.

And before you know it, you’re shirking your new responsibility instead of stepping up to the challenge.

The Discovery

After I was promoted to lead our company’s largest, most strategic accounts—the ones the exec team was watching closely—I found myself talking to a senior colleague about these clients and asked, “You’ll be on those calls with me, right?”

She paused. Looked at me carefully. And said, “No.”

In that moment I realized, a little horrified, Oh. I’m on my own.

I had received the promotion. But I hadn’t embraced the responsibility yet. Instead, I was still hoping someone would share the load and absorb the risk. It turns out I was a little scared of the spotlight that came with the role I wanted.

The responsibility of the new role felt heavy. The new visibility left me feeling exposed. Any decision I made felt like a gamble. 

I’ve seen this same pattern with many leaders I coach—both in new professional roles and in deeply personal ones. There’s the phase of discovering what you want. Then the courage to ask for it. And then there’s another phase: owning what you’ve been given.

Owning what you’ve been given requires a shift in mindset—from Why is this happening to me? to This is mine to carry, and I’m here for it.

The Experiment

These prompts are about noticing where there’s opportunity to turn towards the responsibility of your role rather than stepping back from it.

1. When am I still acting as if someone else is in charge?

2. What identity from a previous role am I still holding onto?

3. Where might I be shifting my own discomfort onto others?

4. What is one place where taking more ownership would matter most?

5. If someone were observing me, how would they know I was taking more ownership?

6. What would feel different internally if I stepped into this role more fully?

7. What ownership experiment am I willing to run this month?

For the next month, what’s:

• One behavior I will start:

• One behavior I will stop:

8. At the end of the month, what did I learn about how I relate to responsibility and ownership?

The Takeaway

Like most things, ownership often grows through small choices made consistently. Sometimes the structure changes before we do. Titles, scope, and expectations shift, but our internal sense of ownership lags behind. The aim is to notice when you’re dodging the responsibility you wanted, and become more deliberate about stepping forward.

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