Why “Do you have any feedback for me?” Falls Flat

💝 So you want to tie a pretty bow on the year and ask your direct report “Do you have any feedback for me?”

🎁 Of course the intention is good, you and your DR have been through a lot together this year. A common theme in my practice is when our good intentions don’t match the impact they have on others. So, here’s a gift from me to you to your DR: a few ways to ask for feedback that actually result in a response your DR is able to answer meaningfully.

Oh and what would I like for the holidays? If you’ve received any joy, insights, or inspiration from my writing, the best gift I could ask for is for you to spread the word and help the Inner Radio newsletter grow❣️

1. Why “Do you have any feedback for me?” Falls Flat

Have you ever asked a direct report, “Do you have any feedback for me?” Have you ever left that conversation feeling uncertain you got the full picture?

“Do you have any feedback for me” can feel too risky or vague for a direct report to answer meaningfully for you.

There are elements of risk:

• What if I say what is really going on and they don’t like it and I am punished?

And there’s also the vagueness:

• Where do I even start? 

Here are a few ways to get the real juice from asking your direct reports for feedback:

Ownership

Ask: How much ownership do you feel over your projects?

This can unearth hiccups in delegation, where you might be a bottleneck and not even realize it. 

This can unearth blocks your DR is facing with other departments that haven’t yet been surfaced and that you can help unblock.

Organizational Clarity

Ask: What’s been really clear and what’s less clear about your role so far?

Sure, there’s a job description, but I can’t tell you how often misaligned role expectations cause interpersonal dysfunction at work. With this question you’re giving your DR space to say what they understand and time to reveal what questions remain (also known as where you have room to be more direct and explicit about expectations). 

Team Spirit

Ask: How do you see your role fitting into the team’s success? What about the organization’s success?

If your DR can articulate how their work impacts the team and org, they probably have a good grasp of what’s at stake and also why they matter. 

Ask: Which teams / team members are most important to your success? How are they doing? 

If your DR can articulate who they depend on to get their job done and think those folks are doing a great job, that’s a sign of great cross-functional collaboration. If your DR doesn’t think they depend on anyone, or the people they depend on stink, that’s a cue that you as their manager have some work to do.

Reward System

Ask: What do you see as being really valued on this team?

See if there’s consistency across your DRs and what comes up. If something like ‘being available at all times' comes up, maybe that’s a signal you want to think about setting boundaries for yourself and your team. If something like ‘getting it right the first time’ comes up, maybe that’s a signal there’s more room for you to encourage experimentation or dissenting opinions.

The point of these questions is to give your DRs an easier onramp to talk about their experience with you as their manager. These questions are less risky and more specific, which are helpful to YOU to get the data you need on your performance as a manager. Because chances are, if the DR feels ownership over their projects, a strong connection to their team and org, and has a concrete understanding of their role and the reward system at play, then YOU are doing alright as a manager. Remember that as a figure of authority, people will filter filter filter information. It’s part of your job to keep excavating for the insights that will benefit you, your team, and you org. 

2. Recommendation

The Boys In The Boat By Daniel James Brown

“Joe, when you really start trusting those other boys, you will feel a power at work within you that is far beyond anything you’ve ever imagined. Sometimes, you will feel as if you have rowed right off the planet and are rowing among the stars.” - George Yeoman Pocock

The Boys In The Boat is a true story of the University of Washington underdog crew team’s rise to eventually defeat the German boat rowing for Adolf Hitler in the 1936 Olympics. One of my favorite characters is George Yeoman Pocock, who has as much wisdom about the human condition as he does about boat building. It’s a moving piece about how the sum is greater than its parts and the power of a team. I’m not surprised it is being turned into a movie scheduled to be released on Christmas Day.

3. The Goings On

It’s going to be a different kind of holiday season this year. Baby is coming into the picture and instead of going out to celebrations with family and friends we’ll be going inward and experiencing the shift from two to three. The journey so far has been a little like a roller coaster or splash mountain and I have a hunch it might continue to be for some time. There are a few moments ripe to discover what we’re made of – this seems like one of them. I hope to splash around and enjoy the ride. I hope you get to, too.

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Jennifer Ouyang Altman is the CEO and Founder of Inner Radio, a leadership coaching company working with executives hungry to define their leadership style, build effective interpersonal relationships, and harness the power of team. She facilitates communication and leadership courses with Stanford’s Graduate School of Business and is a CEO coach for Berkeley Haas’ CEO program. She is a LinkedIn Top Voice and her work has been published in the Los Angeles Times and Washington Post. She believes in the rules of radio: clarity, simplicity, and personality. You can’t speak and listen at the same time.